They’re closing the bar and they want us to leave

So, much to the disappointment of everyoneI know I just can’t find it in me to do actual rundowns of the remaining days of the Fuck The Hurricane Tour. I recognize that for possibly Mark and/or Brehon this news is devastating (Tim doesn’t give a shit because he thinks blogs are gay and only has time for fantasy football or as we have taken to calling it D&D for jocks). In any case, what follows are summaries of the good times that were had and the debauchery that went on. There are pictures to go with most of these stories, but I just can’t bring myself to link to them. If anyone who had even the remotest bit of respect for the 4 tour participants ever saw these pictures they would probably hang themselves. Plus I think there are 2 pictures of girls, and about 300 of dudes in various stages of undress, making the trip seem far more homoesque than it actually was (I swear).

Good Time #1 – Vista Cruisers
This was probably my favourite afternoon of the trip. Brehon, Tim and I woke up drunk and proceeded to sit by the pool while formulating plans for the afternoon (while drinking). We decided that renting the sweet cruiser bikes from the hotel was a plan and a half. The best part of this was the bikes were in the shot for some Access Hollywood thing they were shooting at the hotel. So drunk Tim drops his drink while getting on the bike and then bikes through the shot, resulting in a ton of people getting pissed off. We started biking and made it off the island (Palm Beach) to the mainland (West Palm Beach). We got to Bradley’s (where shit went down later in the week) and order lunch that no one can eat because we are all hung-over/drunk and super dehydrated. This was the start of our bodies quitting on us. Halfway through lunch is starts absolutely pouring rain. We decided that would be a good time to leave and start biking back to the hotel. There was about a foot of water in the parking lot that we walked out through to get our bikes, and then decide that biking through the parking lot would be awesome. We start doing laps, and pulling off sweet power slides on our Vista Cruisers, and the entire restaurant gets up to watch the retards on bikes in the parking lot. It was far too much fun. We somehow got back to the hotel after biking all around Palm Beach and sat down at the outdoor bar after getting kicked out of the pool (apparently swimming in the lightning is not allowed there). At the bar our MO was to drink one of every kind of daiquiri they could make for us. I don’t think we could have been more excited about an afternoon after this one. It was solid gold.

Good Time #2 – Cucina’s
Cucina’s is presently the owner of a large chunk of our collective finances. We shut the place down either 4 or 5 times. I am not certain of the actual count. This place was awesome when it was dead because they had that Fuel channel and we got to watch snowboarding. It was awesomer when it was busy because it was full of really, really, really hot girls. Like off the Calgary scale hot. We devised a separate rating scale for the girls in Palm Beach. I guess the point of this paragraph is that the girls there were really hot (and out of our league). Yes, even with the assistance of the bar’s manager and general manager we could get no play in that place. I’m not even sure we tried. The drinks were too damn strong. Way too strong. It was the best drinking place I have been in a long time. There are probably really good stories from Cucina’s beyond the ridiculously hot clientele and staff, and the incredibly stuff drinks. I can’t remember them. Mark had a boner for this place.

Good Time #3 – Mark Getting Mad
It is probably impossible to pinpoint the exact point in time that Mark got mad, but I would like to attribute it to the time in Cucina’s when he wanted everyone to join him in a team high five over the table at Cucina’s. We all politely declined as team high five’s are about as cool as my job, and Mark got mad and said some really mean shit. There were other episodes of Mark getting mad on the trip, but that one sticks out the most for me. He is probably mad right now because I wrote that we got mad. Wait until he reads the next paragraph.

Good Time #4 – Mark Getting Worried
I’m actually putting this in just to get Mark mad because this should really be combined with the last paragraph. Mark was kind of like a den mother for us for the first 4 days of the trip until he was really able to cut loose, or just completely gave up on learning anything in his course (not sure which). Either way he didn’t trust our drunken asses to perform any tasks of moderate importance (not that he really should have). Maybe you had to be there for this to be funny, but I thought it was.

Good Time #5 – Monster Limo
As we were living beyond our means (my entire trip was financed by credit at 20%), we decided it would be a good idea to live way beyond our means. This involved taking the Monster Limo out to Blue Martini and Resort on Day 2 night. The Monster Limo was just a limo named such by a huge geek named Steve. I think it was part owned by Steve and by Thomas. The limo was mint on the inside and it would have been a sweet ride to take around if we could have filled it with girls. Either way we took it out a few times and felt like high-rollers. This went well with our cover story that we were the Red Dragon snowboard team. Ya, I consider that a good time. Fuck you.

Alright, that’s all I have the brain for right now. Next time I’ll talk about all the other good times, like beating the machine with the claw and smoking 3 packs of cigarettes in one night.

Peace.