I don't miss my span of attention

Fuck The Hurricane Tour 2005

Welcome to the first entry in the official Fuck The Hurricane Tour 2005 tour diary. I am going to attempt (read: fail) to write a daily summary of the most entertaining shit that happens down here in the south. It is looking like the Hurricane won’t even be around by the time I show up in Florida tomorrow morning, but whatever, I already named the fucking trip.

We’ll start with Friday night, where I made the executive decision to go out with Chris and a couple of his buddie for what I told myself would be a few beers. I honestly had intentions to leave around 12. I think I ended up walking into the Crack Alley around then. The night continued along those lines and by the time I made it to Iraqi pizza I think it was 2:30 and I was capitaaly trashed. When Tim rolled in at 4:30 I was passed out on the couch with a pink Gatorade spilt all over the carpet. It’s worth noting that I had arranged for a cab to pick me up at 4:15 so I could get to the airport in time.

I did manage to get to the airport, still half cut, and with luggage that I don’t remember packing. The flight was all good and I made it to Toronto with no major events. I was able to fall asleep on the plane about 4 minutes into the flight and was relatively well rested upon arrival. So I got through the horrible mess that is customs and duty free (dirt cheap jack is a go), and thought I was home free. Nope. Turns out if you are flying to Washington you automatically get every article you own searched. Stupid United States government.

So the flight to Toronto was on a mighty fine plane. The flight to Wsahington was on a CRJ1000 or what I like to call a Deathjet. I have never been scared on a plane before but I was amazed that this stupid thing stayed in the air. After conducting some rudimentary research I have determined that at any given time Air Canada has 50 of these flying death traps in the air. All I am saying is that if you happen to see one in the sky I would recommend running because it is liable to drop out of the air at any point in time.

I did manage to survive the trip in the Deathjet and caught the shuttle to the hotel where I am currently hanging out in the only bed I will see for the next week. The shuttle was so far the highlight of the trip as the shuttle driver decided to tell me all the good places to find “easy bitches”. The best part of this is he is telling me all this nasty shit while two horrified old couples are cringing in the back. I can only hope to come across as professionally as this dude did when I am at work.

My night pretty much ended with a few Sam Adams in the hotel lounge and some Little League World Series. That shit is way too entertaining.

Ridiculousness is on the agenda for tomorrow when Tim, Brehon and I meet up with useless Mark. I will do my best to remember what goes on.

Peace.