We got a lot to do, we got a lot to be

I am doing my best to get a post up that is not overly angst-ridden, or bile filled. You must believe me when I say it is hard.

Work has not been the dreamy walk on the beach I thought it was going to be. That I never actually thought that is beside the point. Work has sucked of late, and I have let that ruin pretty much every good thing that has happened in these past couple months. Instead of being excited that I got to spend some good times with Dave, that I have hit up the mountains more times this year than any year prior, leaving me with some rudimentary snowboard skills, or the fact that I have had my now-indie ass rocked off repeatedly at numerous shows, I have been sitting around swearing at a computer and conjuring up various scenarios that would allow me to have some time off (ie. getting arrested, getting hit by a bus, jury duty, getting arrested again, etc.). This is no way to go through life.

I have also been trying to figure out why I have been struggling so much with work, and I think I found a quote that I think describes what my major malfunction is. You should probably stop reading if you don’t want to see some possibly retarded self-analysis. It can’t all be tales of drunken glory, and love letters to various bands. Plus today I am just in that kind of mood.

So reading the Sport’s Guy today, I pick out something that was written by Malcolm Gladwell, a New Yorker columnist I have never read. They were discussing something about athlete’s not being consumed with their profession and Malcolm dropped this gem: "It's really risky to work hard, because then if you fail you can no longer say that you failed because you didn't work hard." Now, say whatever you want about that, but looking at my track record I would say this definitely applies. For two glaringly obvious examples see my aborted attempts at both Mod 3, and Math 110. That shit was hard, so I didn’t try. I don’t want to be the dumb kid, who actually put in all my effort and ended up proving that I’m not as smart as everyone else. I think this is probably what is happening at work right now, which is why I end up being so stressed out that things aren’t going well. This doesn’t seem like a good system, and I’m hoping by putting it out here that I recognize it and change something.

Upon rereading what I just wrote, I think this did turn out to be some angsty, teenage garbage. Apologies to anyone who took the time to plow through it.

On a happier note, I applied for a job at Burton Snowboards today. It would involve being their AP clerk in Birmingham, Virginia. I have no real belief that I am even qualified for a job being a Canadian and all, but the idea that I looked for something in my field that I would also enjoy pleased me immensely. I have also just realised that Option-NFA is publicly traded. Perhaps if I get home tonight I will look for some jobs there.

Also, my hair is now so long that it forms knots. Fucking hippie.

Another also, since I am trying to change things here are a few more things I need to do:
- When I phone home try and have actual conversations, especially with Megan and Tory. I've only got one family and I don’t think I’m nearly as close to them as I should be.
- Quit spending all my nights at pubs, although pints appear to be my saving grace most nights.
- Get on one of my bikes and go somewhere.

It’s a short list, but I think I can do at least two of them (or have the desire to two of them).

Peace.